Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
