Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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