omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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