I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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