is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
