His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
