Can Purell be used as lube?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
