plz talk dirty to me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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