we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
