I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
