i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
