that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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