Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
