i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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