The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
