Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
