So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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