I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
