this just has baby written all over it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
