I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
