i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
