Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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