just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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