so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
