my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
