oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
