On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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