mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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