Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
