Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
