i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is Oprah even human
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
