Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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