I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
