new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
