Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
