Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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