If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
