Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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