if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
