I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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