I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
