She announced her abortion via fbk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
