I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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