The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
