so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COCAINE IS GR8
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
