You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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