nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
