he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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