cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
