his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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