i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
