glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
