A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
