Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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