Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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