are you still at the devil's house?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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