The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
