..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
