put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
