I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
