Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
