I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
